Introspection

Life can be miserable. Life can also be wonderful. The question is which world are you living? A wonderful or a miserable life? I f you ask me I think I'm in the borderline between miserable and a wonderful life.

When I look onto my old self I see a confident,strong and free spirited person. I may not have everything that I wanted but I've got all the love in the world from my friends and family. Then suddenly someone comes into my life showing me what the real world is, giving me all that he got,loving me unconditionally...and he became my world.

We do things together. For one year, 75% of my time I spent it with him. The more that we spent time together the more that I want to be with him. I want to build my castle with him and he is the one that I want to see beside me in my deathbed while holding my hands. And he feels the same way too.

As my feelings go deeper my personality got worsen. I'm starting to shut everyone from my life just to be with him because I become obsessed with the thought that someday he found somebody better than me and leave me. So I give all of my time with him so I can watch him. 

I just turned into someone that I don't even recognize. I became irrational,paranoid and verbally abusive. I control him in everything that he do. 

I became a monster...and I created another monster

He also become irrational,paranoid, and verbally abusive. I know the love is still there but respect is nowhere to be found. We too.. lost our sense of self. 

Now, everything has happened is clear to me. I know how to fix this. But I'm not sure if it will work. All I know is I still want to build my castle with him and be with me till my last breath.

I realized all of that through self-examination. For some of you, you call that Reflecting in Psychology we call it Introspection. Introspection  is a self-observation of one's thoughts and feelings without bias. You need to step outside your body look at your self and contemplate what kind of person are you in a rational way.

People has experience once or twice in their life that they are lost. But the first step to find your self is admitting your mistakes through introspection....and change!

Psychological Defenses: your Guard or not?

The most used part of the brain I think is the frontal lobe. Why did I say so? Because it is where the ego defense mechanism located. We all know that defense mechanism can be seen anywhere (i mean not physically but mentally).  People use defense mechanism most of the time to protect their self-image.

Psychologist said that the unconscious mind do all the talking when we use defense mechanism not just to protect the self-image but also to shield the mind from anxiety.

Here are the list of Defense Mechanism based on Freudian Psychoanalytic Theory:

(I dissected it in layman's term description)

Repression- the ego pushes unacceptable impulses out of awareness back to the unconscious mind.

In layman’s term: Forgetting the undesirable thought from memory as if it didn’t existed.

Denial- The ego refuses to acknowledge anxiety producing realities.

In layman’s term:Distorting the individual thinks, feels, or perceive. Refuse to acknowledge reality.

Displacement- the ego shifts feelings towards an unacceptable object to another, more acceptable object. 
In layman’s term: Redirecting the emotional impulses to the real source to substitute person or object. E.g. putting anger to other people.

Projection- the ego attributes the personal shortcomings, problems, and faults to others

In layman’s term: Attributing to others your own unacceptable desires and impulses to be free from guilt.

Reaction Formation- behaving in a matter that is contrary the one’s real feelings.

In layman’s term: Lying to what’s the real emotion.

Rationalization- the ego replaces a less acceptable motive with a more acceptable one.

In layman’s term: Manufacturing false but good excuse to justify unacceptable behavior and explain away failures or losses.

Compensation- keeping one’s self-steem intact by excelling in one area to distract attention from an area which the person is inferior.

In layman’s term: Masking perceived weakness.

Regression- the ego seeks security to an earlier developmental period in the face of stress.  
In layman’s term: Attempt to cope with the anxiety by clinging to such inappropriate behaviors (Form immature behavior e.g. crying, walkout).

Fantasy- gratifying frustrated desires by imaginary achievements.

In layman’s term: Delusional.

You can not consider yourself emotionally healthy if you are depending too much in these defense mechanism to survive. It just means that you’re too weak to acknowledge the truth about unpleasant thoughts. Using too much defense mechanism is distorting reality, that may lead into developing Personality Disorders. 

Defense mechanisms works automatically. If there is a perceived stimulus that may harm our self-image. It moves in a flash to shield it. Defense mechanism is like a Guard who protects a bank from bad thieves. He do everything to protect his boss from external harms because it is his duty.But like what I said  earlier, depending too much on defense mechanism is a bad idea. You are not only deceiving yourself but you're also inviting chaos to your relationship with people. 

So how you can avoid defense mechanism if it's always on the defensive mode? Even I,don't know the answer. All I know is we can avoid it, but we can not shut it down.  It is in our nature.  This is the way our mind can protect us. All I can advice is that don't loose grip on what is in here in reality.

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What's with the Attitude!

Problems are part of our life. It is one of the constant things we can not avoid. Can you imagine life without problems? A life with no stress, no shortcoming, no heartache, no sufferings? Me, I can't  imagine life without those things?  I believe life without dilemma means life with no happiness! 

Without stress you can't appreciate peace of mind. Without shortcomings we can't experience satisfaction. Without heartache we will not feel joy. Without sufferings we will not be motivated to be better. And therefore we won't be able to achieve what all human kind wants, Serenity!!

Problems are inevitable. What ever we do, problems will just continue coming to our life. But it doesn't mean we can't change that. Problems are made to be solved. Solving every problem that causes us to feel pain will lead us to happiness.

  

I want you to share a book that helped me understand the nature of problem. And that is Dr. Alan E. Nelson's "The Power of new attitude" With this book I realized that problems are not just caused by external circumstances but also Self-defeating behavior that we people possesses. 

"But behind the visible circumstances is the less than obvious reality that most of us are our own worst enemy. Our number one nemesis is staring back at us in the mirror" Dr. Nelson says. 

Guilt, unwilling to commit, materialism, wrong priorities, lack of discipline, living to please, running from the truth and self-centeredness are just some of the sabotaging behaviors that Dr. Nelson listed in his book. We are guilty on some of those behaviors that helps to produce problems. 

To add more, he also stated the Pareto Principle (80/20 rule). It is said that 80% of the problems, failures and frustrations that we endure are self-inflicted. He advice that instead of focusing on 20% of external circumstance that causes problem. Why focus on 80% sabotaging behavior to solve and decrease in creation of problems. 

After analyzing the anatomy of problem, I can't agree more to Dr. Nelson. He is right. We are our own worst enemy. Problems are just there. But we invite problems with our sabotaging behaviors. If we change our wrong thinking and sabotaging behavior that we have, we will be able to achieve the fulfillment, success and happiness what we always wanted. It's all in the attitude.   

Note: If you think you have a wrong view in life and you want to change your self into a better you. This book might help you as it help mine.

Love and other Drugs

What is love? It is very famous question we are often asked about. A lot of people try to define what love is. Some say love is a feeling of giving care to other people, some say it is a biological response towards others, and some say it is nature’s way of tricking people into reproducing.

But how much do we really know about love? Does love can be explained by science? Or it’s just a feeling that really can’t be explained?

Defining love using science is like explaining the color red to a blind man by saying that it is about 650 nm of electomagnetic radiation. It is easy to define but it’s hard to understand. But still many researchers, philosophers and even historians try to define the nature of love. And they all agreed that love is virtue of representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection.

Psychology has also done lot of dissection about love. They define love as an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment that can occur between two or more individuals such as family, friends and opposite sex that bonds and connects them in a unified link of trust, intimacy and interdependence.

There are said to be 6 love styles proposed by John Lee from the book "Colors of Love". Those are Eros (romantic love),Ludus (love as game), Storge (platonic love) ,Pragma (practical love) Mania  (obsessive love) and Agape (spiritual love) . All of us has experience some of those love styles. Depending on what level or depth it might be.

Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone. Cognitive, biological and external factor influenced us to feel love. So  what really pushes us to feel that emotion?

Chemicals in the brain are responsible for feeling of love.Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin that stimulates the brain's pleasure center.

Certainly love is influenced by hormones. Chemical movements in the brain are the one to blame. We are drugged by those chemicals to feel love on other person. It’s not in our hands to fall in love. We didn’t command our heart to feel that magical feeling. We believed we’re choosing a partner. But think again. Maybe we are just happy victims of nature’s lovely plan.

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Exploring my Psyche

I was doing a lot of research lately about  mind processes, chemical imbalance in the brain, and personality. I want to be familiar in different psychological terms. This is serve as my back to school preparation for the next school year. I have three more weeks to go but I haven't finish all the things I want to accomplish.

Next semester will be a hard time for me. I will be taking my thesis for the first time. I am so excited for that and at the same time I am  nervous. I'm a self-confess control freak and little bit of paranoid. I want things to go smoothly as I plan it to be because I'm afraid to be a failure.

As I'm doing my review,I notice that there a lot of subjects and terms that I haven't heard in my previous lectures.I realized that if you really want to be knowledgeable about everything  people should make an initiative to study on their own.

I was reading a book about different kinds of chemical in the brain and some of their functions. And I am amazed of what I have discovered. For may next post I will be talking about that. Besides of that I'm fascinated about different personalities and their corresponding behavior. I am also memorizing about different Psychological disorder. And it's giving me a headache because there are 106 disorder listed in DSM-IV! But it's okay.I know the things that I put in my mind would be a good help in my research for my thesis.

So basically everything that you will be reading in this blog are not only about my dark emotions. This blog is not owned by a red head with black lipstick "EMO" who has a suicide mark on her wrist.

This blog is owned by someone who wants to understand every person's behavtittude (behavior attitude). Someone who wants to see beyond the wall of every human's unconscious mind.Someone who wants to help every emotionally disturbed person. 

I want my readers to know how our mind affects our daily lives.I  believe that knowing how the brain interacts in our conscious mind and how it affects the external factors is a good way to control our lives.

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Untitled

There used to be a time when I poured all my emotions in a single entry. That usually happens when I’m pretty pissed off, because when I’m happy I want to be out there to gallivant with my friends, short of shouting on the rooftops. But whenever I feel like life sucks major balls I rant like hell in my little virtual corner.

Lately that never happens, because life happens. Suffice it to say that my old life used to bore me out of my skull, with nothing better to do than blog. Now things are happening left and right, from up above and down under. And I am happy with that.

Though, everything seems perfect right now. It feels like something is missing. I think it is because,I miss writing.I miss writing irrational-stuffed-emotions of mine. If I would share everything what's happening with me not only the unpleasant ones but also the positive ones everything would be perfect.

It is easier to write unpleasant things, I don’t know why. But I will try to transform those pleasant happenings that I have experienced into writing, so I can put a smile on some people who happen to randomly or purposely visit this not so-funny blog of mine.

Words

I'm not quite sure we understand the power of words. One negative hurtful word can said out of hand or without a thought is like a seed that stuck deep into a persons soul. You might think that what I am saying is extreme, but think with me a minute. Think back the earliest memory you have of someone saying something hurtful, and tell me how still feels. Our words are powerful.

We get mad or we're annoyed and we strike out. An off handed comment, a verbal jab, done without thinking. Except that word sinks in. It begins to grow. It feeds on self esteem and the only fruit bears is insecurity.

As the word grow larger,it grow stronger and so does the insecurity. Over the time the person spirit get week, brittle then broken. Most of the time the only think left is BITTERNESS.

A person is destroyed because we don't understand the power of our words.